Regardless of Age and Even After Prostate Surgery
Ted, a 65-year-old client said to me, “I don’t feel any differently on the inside. ” Then, he chuckled, “Of course, not all the parts work the same as they when I was at my peak.”
I know what he means because I’ve heard a similar complaint from others who have come to me to learn how to continue to enjoy sensual and sexual pleasure. Remember when you were a teenager and a slight breeze would cause a stirring in your shorts? You may have been embarrassed from time to time about erections showing up at awkward moments. In fact,when you were young, you may have worried about finishing too quickly to satisfy your partner. (If you suffer now from concerns about reaching orgasm too quickly, take a look at this article, Extending Your Pleasure for Men.) But, when you were young, you also enjoyed a shorter refractory or resting period, the time between ejaculation and a next erection, probably because your levels of testosterone were higher.
Speaking of testosterone, when a new client approaches me wanting to know about how to assure that he can continue to get erections, I suggest that he complete a simple saliva test to look at hormone levels, particularly testosterone. With the test results, his doctor can prescribe a testosterone cream, which when used in conjunction with the exercises below, will greatly improve his performance. Clients also ask about Viagra and Cialis, and I suggest that there is nothing wrong with using them for a boost. Unfortunately, those magic blue pills will only help maintain an erection. They won’t help you get an erection without stimulation and possessing vital sexual energy.
There are some very easy things you can do –daily– to increase your pleasure and reinvigorate your body and boost your amount of sexual energy or vitality. In fact, I recommend that men of all ages begin these easy practices to train their bodies so they can remain vital and healthy for as long as possible. One client who is now in his mid-70s, Ron, has been practicing these techniques since he was in his 20s and is still able to make love with his partner for hours and remain hard for most of that time. (Erections typically rise and fall –and rise again– during long lovemaking sessions. This is entirely normal.) The exercises don’t take a lot of time, can be integrated into your daily life and being able to enjoy pleasure and intimacy is worth it, right?
- Practice self pleasuring which is different from masturbation. Masturbation is how most of us scratch the itch quickly so we can get on to some other activity. Instead, consider it a daily practice without the goal of orgasm, merely for the purpose of arousal to keep the fire of your sexual energy stoked. That way, it takes a smaller spark to bring it to life for lovemaking with your partner. Try touching, stimulating, arousing and caressing our bodies and genitals purely for the pleasure of the touch without seeking orgasm and, in fact, stopping or slowing down the stimulation if we are “too close” to the edge. The great thing about going repeatedly to the edge without ejaculatory orgasm is that orgasms tend to be much more intense when you do ejaculate. And, in fact, if you practice enough, you can actually train your body to experience the sensations of orgasm without ejaculation, which is what can help you to extend your pleasure, and many men will also experience multiple and full body orgasms Now, some men complain that they don’t enjoy masturbation, and to that I respond, “Tough! If you are not willing to spend some effort training your body, why would your partner want to spend her time on you?” And, it’s likely that if you are successful in using some of these techniques, you may interest her in helping you to raise sexual energy more often.
- Do Pelvic floor exercises. You may have heard of kegels as the exercise women are told to do before and after childbirth. Both men and women should do kegels for all of their lives because strong sexual muscles provide stronger orgasms and more sexual energy. To locate the muscle, stop the flow of urine the next time you are peeing. It’s sort of like squeezing the anus, but instead, you focus on the sex organ. Do a series of short contractions and then squeeze, hold as long as you are able and then release. Since no one can tell you are doing them, do them frequently whenever you’re waiting in line, when you see any kind of street sign. In fact, while driving, do kegels and combine it with a hip thrust to unlock your hips and sexual energy.
- Breathe and visualize your energy. Usually when we are highly aroused, we start breathing faster, even hyperventilating. But, if you consciously slow down your breathing, you’ll feel more centered so that you can visualize moving your sexual energy up your spine to the top of your head and then back down again to your penis. This visualizing your energy thing is a little “woo woo” for a lot of people, but give it a try. Fake it ’til you make it, because you can actually create sensation throughout your body simply by imagining it.
- Combine all of these together in daily practice twice a day for at least 15 minutes. And, if you are truly determined, you will work longer at it than that. One man engaged three times daily in self pleasuring often for 30 minutes at a time and, now, at 58, he is able to get an erection whenever he wants and have intercourse for as long as he wants.
- Expand your idea of sex. Sensual and sexual pleasure can be found in lots of ways besides intercourse. Just because intercourse defined sex for you back in the days when you merely fantasized about it does not mean that intercourse is the only way to enjoy sexual pleasure. Perhaps we need to change our idea of how we get pleasure. To get an idea of how many possibilities there are for erotic stimulation, check out The Human Sex Map. Not many people know that even if a man can not get a strong erection (particularly after prostate surgery, a prostatectomy), he can still have an orgasm with proper stimulation. Both women and men can learn how to touch to give and receive pleasure and learning to enjoy sensual touch is less stressful than other activities, which is why one of the principle techniques I coach men, women and couples to use is touch, providing sensual stimulation with the hands and other body parts.
To find your path to more pleasure, contact me